PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize