I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
