if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
