i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
