the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
