I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
