I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
