The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
