Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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