the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
