Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
