If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
