Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
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