TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
