Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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