Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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