At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Randomize
