if you like me you must not know who I am
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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