..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Randomize
