Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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