She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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