Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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