Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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