my vag is so smooth its legendary
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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