we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
