Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Randomize
