Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
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