as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
