I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
