My underwear smells like fireworks.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Randomize
