: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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