I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
