Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
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