and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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