There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
