In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
