I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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