i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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