god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
