i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
