Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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