found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
please come you make the beer taste better
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
