Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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