can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
it glows. i had to have it.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
