see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I have so many feelings about this burrito
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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