I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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