I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
