dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
