How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
