Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
