i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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