For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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