she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
