Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Come on in and take your pants off
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
