never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
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