I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
