Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Randomize
