i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
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