I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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