I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
