Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
