Your face is a jimmy john
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
don't judge my taste in strippers
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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