Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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