textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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