Are we in a gay sports bar?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
