I think i peed on brittanys purse
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Randomize
