You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
