At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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