You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
