I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
