I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Best friends brother. Beat that.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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