Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize