my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
i think i just lost a toe
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