Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
